Times of Uncle Ernest - Chesapeake City and Beyond – Patti, Chapter 4

Times of Uncle Ernest -

Chesapeake City and Beyond – Patti, Chapter 4

       Just then, Nina, when uncle Ernest slipped into the house—as if it were planned—I heard a rattling coming up our lane, and when I ran over I saw the egg truck swerving towards me, trying unsuccessfully to miss the pot holes. Pop was expecting him, so he was in the chicken house loading up the egg crates. As the egg man backed his drab panel truck up to our hen house, I swung open the door, jumped in and yelled. "Hey, the egg man is here!" I mean to tell you, Nina, those hens went crazy. It was a breed called White Leghorns, and any unexpected noise scared them to death. They flew back and forth in there as if possessed, squawking and hurling themselves against the chicken-wire wall. Clouds of dust—dried chicken manure—filled the long room, stinking like mad and clouding visibility with ugly, brown smog.

       Breathing that stuff was deadly, so I flew out of there. When I opened the door that putrid dust seemed to follow me, and soon Pop emerged from the brown cloud, coughing and cussing. "God Almighty! I told you not to scare those hens. Don't ever go in there again, damn it!" He and the egg man had to wait quite a while for the dust to settle before they could load the crates into the truck. I felt pretty low, so I trudged on back to the yard chair to await Uncle Ernest's return. And it wasn't long, Nina, before he slumped next to me, happy with his full glass, to continue his story.

       "Yeah, Moose, Patti and I had a super evening, but around noon the next day Tootie's scouts brought news that a legion of fighting troops was marching towards the country. A general named Tony, who was one of Patti's old boyfriends, led the army. He was second in command to a guy named Jule, who was the emperor of Rheems, a powerful country that ruled the world at that time. He, too, I discovered to my regret, was a former boyfriend of Patti's. But she explained that she only pretended to be in love with them to save her country. 'Ernie dear,' she whispered lovingly in my ear, 'you're my first and only love.' Then she added in a firm voice, 'But you're going to let me handle Tony and that horde of troops.' My, it was hard for me not to take action, Moose, because of all the looting and plundering they did.

       "But, to make her happy I did what she said. I put on a beanie cap and went to live with the Isrollerites slaves. Tony was furious when he found out Patti had another boyfriend and, when he discovered that I had built that lion monument for Patti, he sent men up there to desecrate the face. They went up on ropes and used sledgehammers and chisels to destroy Patti's likeness. As far as I know that giant lion is still there. But I have no desire to see it, Moose, not with Patti's face damaged beyond recognition. But then, Moose, just as she said, Patti was able to control Tony. Yep, she sweet-talked him, charmed him somehow into sparing her country by invading and occupying England instead."  [To be continued Tuesday, 7/10/2012]