Times of Uncle Ernest - Chesapeake City and Beyond – Didie Chapter 1

Times of Uncle Ernest -

Chesapeake City and Beyond – Didie

Chapter 1

It was one warm summer day, Nina, about mid-morning, I believe, when I was at our well, pumping water into the wooden trough, yanking away at our long pump handle. Once I got the water flowing I kept pumping to get it fresh and, ignoring the communal tin cup, I knelt down quickly with cupped hands and slurped up the cool, pure water. Several times I did it, pumped that handle hard to get a strong flow, and then jumped quickly down to collect the last surge, slurping quickly before it ran out between my fingers.

       Just then I looked to see Uncle Ernest push open the screen door and step out of the house. He was headed for the chair in the shade of our maple tree, so I ran over and sat next to him. He had arrived the night before while I was asleep. He was thinner, Nina, and his face was ashen, but he winked and said, "What's cookin', Moose the Goose?" Then he reached over and, after trying in vain to get his squirming nephew in a headlock, poked a finger in my ribs and laughed his head off as I struggled to escape. My, I was glad to see him, and when I caught my breath I asked, "Where've you been, Unk?"

       "Vacationing, Moose. Something everybody needs now and then."

       "I guess so, but, Unk, I've been thinking about that magic sub you were telling me about. You said it was taking you somewhere. Where did you end up?"

       "Which sub was that, Moose?"

       "Oh crap! The one that witch put you in. The one that was speeding you somewhere underwater."

       "OK. Now I remember. Well, I had fallen asleep, if you recall, and when I woke up the sub had surfaced next to a strange land. So I threw anchor and went ashore. I scouted around until I came across a well-managed grape arbor. And, Moose, I must have gorged a bucketful of those large purple beauties. Then, in a small alcove underneath an overhanging cliff, I found a spring. I had a nice, cool drink and then noticed something really strange. In a wooded area not far from the spring was a bearded man wearing a goofy-looking golden bathrobe. He wore scandals and crosshatched leather straps up his calves, and was seated on a bench with his lion-like head in his hands. 'Howdy, buddy!' I said, patting him on the shoulder. 'Are you all right?'

       " 'Ah, my friend,' he replied, tilting his head up to meet my gaze. 'I must tell you that everything has gone wrong for me lately.' Moose, he looked like crap, staring up at me with dark circles under tired eyes. He spoke with an accent, a language that would have been Greek to me if Didie hadn't given me special powers."

       "Who in the heck is Didie?" I asked.

       "You know, Moose, Afrodidie, the beauty who gave me the magic sub."

       "Oh, OK, Unk," I said, shaking my head.

       "Anyway, Moose, this guy stood up, gave a little bow, and said, 'I'm Mendelus, and I run this part of the country. You're in the realm of Sparka.' "

       " 'I'm Ernie, and I'm just visiting,' I told him, ignoring his bragging comment. 'What's going on that makes you feel so lousy?'

       " 'Everything! Take you the foxes, the little foxes that spoil the vines,' he said, gesturing towards his arbor. Well, I thought the guy was nuts, Moose, because when I looked over there the only thing I saw were birds flying in and out as they sucked the juice out of those giant grapes. But, wow, they did make a mess of those vines, though. Anyway, then, in a sad voice, he told me that the girl he loved didn't want to marry him, even though her father had promised her to him. 'She's the prettiest girl in the world, Ernie, and I really love her. But another problem is this awful headache I've had for a week. I can't get rid of it, can't stand it!' He sure was in a pickle, Moose, so I clapped him on the shoulder and said, 'Hold on a minute, Mendy.' Then I went over, got a cup of water, and gave him a couple aspirins to take. He didn't want to swallow the 'white pebbles' as he called them, but I talked him into it and in about five minutes he was feeling great."

       " 'You're a lifesaver, Ernie,' giving me a rough bear hug, and with that he blew a blast on a trumpet and in no time two majestic, white horses pulling a chariot thundered to a stop right next to us. Mendy grabbed my hand and pulled me into the chariot with him. He told the driver, who was a slave and the 'best daggone chariot racer in the world,' to go pick up Ellen, his girlfriend. 'We'll take her to the races, Ernie,' he yelled, as those horses galloped off in a cloud of dust that made me gasp for breath.” [To be continued Tuesday, 5/29/2012]