Tales of Uncle Ernest – (Continued) Section 4, “The Fish” – Chapter 2

Tales of Uncle Ernest – (Continued)

Section 4, “The Fish” – Chapter 2

Returning with his drink, Uncle Ernest looked full of vigor. “Yeah, Moose, when I woke up I knew just what to do. In case of an emergency I always kept five or six big cigars and a couple of lighters wrapped in a plastic bag in the pockets of my shorts. Flicking on the lighter, I saw some sardines sloshing around at my feet. I hesitate to tell you this, but I ate a couple, I was so hungry. They were tasty but too salty for my palate, for they made me so thirsty that I pulled out my flask of Ole Granddad from my big pocket and took a few swigs to calm my nerves. And do you know, Moose, I felt better right away. Then I began my plan. Do you know what I had in mind?”

“I sure do!” I blurted. “You’re going to use those cigars to make him sneeze you out.”

“Absolutely true. I smoked all six of those stogies down to a half-inch butt, and after each one I crawled up and ground out the burning butt on his tonsils. On the sixth cigar, that old channel cat started to wheeze; then he sneezed me out … whoosh! I was propelled to the surface in a hurry, where I took a big breath of fresh air.

“Treading water and looking all around, I noticed a ship that looked familiar for some reason and swam towards it. The water was filthy on the surface, covered with garbage and burnt oil. When I reached the ship I realized that it was docked in a harbor. I swam to a piling next to it and shinnied up. Ahhh, I was finally on dry land. Moose, do you know why that ship looked familiar to me?”

“No idea.”

“That ship happened to be the U.S.S. Constellation, and when I looked off in the distance I saw the Shot Tower so I knew where I was. That old catfish had taken me to Baltimore. I was in the famous Baltimore Harbor.”

“Unbelievable Unk! That catty took you fifty or sixty miles underwater. I certainly wouldn’t want to travel that way. How did you feel when you got on dry land? Were you sick?”

“Aww no, Moose, but I sure was wet and smelly,” Uncle Ernest said, holding his nose. “Believe it or not, I was very hungry, and when I get back I’ll tell you what I did.”   [To be continued Friday, 3/2/2012]