Days of Uncle Ernest - Chesapeake City and the World – Billy, Chapter 4

Days of Uncle Ernest -

Chesapeake City and the World – Billy, Chapter 4

“Lizzie was shootin' the breeze in the kitchen with Ann, and Billy was scribbling some finishing touches to his new prince play. As I started to doze off, leaning back on the bench as contented as a hog snoozing in the mud, Judy ran over and jumped up on my lap, jolting me back to my senses. ‘Like, howdy, Mr. Ernie,’ she said, clicking her gum vigorously as she put her arm around my neck. ‘Did you like our act?’

“ ‘Boy, I sure did, sweetie,’ I said, kissing her on the cheek and hugging her close.

“ ‘Mr. Ernie, like, will you call me Baby Sauce from now on? That’s what the girls in my singing group call me because I’m, like, the youngest.’

“ ‘Absolutely, Baby Sauce,’ I laughed, not surprised that they had nicknames for each other. ‘What do you girls call your group?’

“ ‘Oh, we don’t have a name yet, Mr. Ernie; we’re, like, trying to think of one.’

“ ‘Now then, sweetheart, you really should have a catchy name if you want to make it in the entertainment business, and since you’re young, energetic, vivacious gals and sing spicy music, why don’t you call yourselves the Sauce Girls?’

“ ‘Cool! I’ll, like, run it by the others tomorrow. I like it; maybe they will too!’ Then she ran off to take a swim in the Avalon before getting ready for bed. When bedtime rolled around she and Hansen asked me if I would lie down with them, so I lay between them and told them about how I cut my finger in school with a saw. Then I took my finger off to show them and, Moose, you should have seen their eyes bug out. I next took a large coin that Hansen had on his night stand and made it disappear into thin air. They both jumped up and down on their beds and yelled, ‘How did you do that, Mr. Ernie?’

“I then had to settle them down by telling them about The Three Little Pigs and Jack and the Beanstalk. After they dosed off I kissed them on the forehead, wiped their hair from their eyes, pulled the covers up to their chins, tip-toed out, and sat down to talk with Billy—who had a fine, fat cigar and a full bottle of the finest red wine you’ve ever seen in your life waiting for me.

“Billy was writing on a big sheet of paper when I sat down beside him, and after about every four words he would dip his goose-feather pen into a big bottle of black ink. I don’t know why he didn’t just use a ballpoint pen like everybody else, Moose, but I just let it slide and asked him what he was writing about.

“ ‘Why, Ernie, my friend, I’m setting down a play about a Denmark prince who has a lot of trouble making up his mind, and right now he’s thinking about committing suicide and I’m going to have him think about it out loud. I’m at the beginning and … saaay, Ernie, let me know how this sounds: ‘Oh my! I don’t know if I should kill myself and leave this awful world, or just stay alive and face my troubles like a man.’

“ ‘Now, Billy, I’ll tell you what; it sounds a bit wordy to me. Why don’t you have him say: “To exist or not to exist; that’s what I'm asking?” ’

“ ‘Yeah, yeah, Ernie,’ Billy agreed. ‘That is much better, but I think I might shorten it even more. You know, you sure have a good ear for language. Say now, I have an idea. I’m acting in a play I wrote about two young lovers who get into trouble, and I’m in a bind because the actor playing Robert, the boy, has run off with a madrigal group. Ernie, will you play the part as a favor to me?’

“ ‘Geez, I guess so. Sure, I’ll give it a go,’ I told him, imitating his manner of speaking. ‘Let me have the script and I’ll memorize the part.’ So, Moose, I read the part and memorized it, but I didn’t like some of it so I asked him to change a few lines and he agreed. ‘First of all Billy, instead of the names Robert and Edna, why don’t you make the names more romantic-sounding? Give them Italian names such as Tony and Sophia or something similar.’

“ ‘Splendid idea, Ernie; I’ll work on it.’

“ ‘And another thing, instead of the two lovers just standing in the garden, why don’t you put the girl on her balcony and have the boy crouch under it in the bushes. And, also, Billy, when he first sees her, your script reads: “Look at that beautiful girl in the light. She’s as pretty as the sun.” Now that’s pretty lame. Why don’t you have him say: ‘What light from that high window breaks? It is the East and Sophia is the moon.’

“ ‘Why Ernie, you know, you’re right on both counts. I’ll certainly revise those parts for tomorrow’s performance.’

“So the next afternoon, while Liz, Ann, and the kids picnicked on the bank of the Avalon, Billy and I headed for town in his horse and buggy and, Moose, when I get back I’ll tell you about one of the craziest days of my life in that odd little theater overlooking the Thames.” [To be continued Friday, 8/31/2012]